If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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