Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
