it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The air taste purple.
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