Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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