Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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