just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
