you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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