dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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