I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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