So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
