24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
