so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize