I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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