I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
