I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
