...so i touched it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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