Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
