Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
