So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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