idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
