No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
