I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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