I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
