Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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