Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
