I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
