i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
