Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
