I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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