my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
