where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
