Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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