so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
