i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
