Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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