just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
