Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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