It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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