she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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