And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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