How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize