I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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