Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
