It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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