What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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