You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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