Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
