He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
