Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He better not be in your backpack
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just pee around me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
