While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
