Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
