i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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