I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
