I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
