He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
