Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
