best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
