i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, beer. Big fan.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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