Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
