Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Terrible idea I love it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
