I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
