I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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