Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Damn victory sex feels great
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