Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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