before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
zippers are such a cool invention
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
