i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
