remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
